I was too upset last night to write! But now I'm getting ahead of myself.
Yesterday afternoon, I could not help but notice the reassuring plop-thunk of the Alto Cinco Quill landing on the driveway. I looked up in time to glimpse the delivery girl on her bike. A typically amazing Alto Cinco teen, she has the newspaper route, a dog walking business, and cross-country practice, so she seems to always be passing by our house. I could swear her silver bike helmet and track shoes have golden wings of Mercury painted on them, but she never slows down enough for me to be sure.
Amber went right out with Leila and Poncho to get the newspaper. The dogs let Amber carry it, which she loves. Amber is walking so well now that she doesn't crawl through puddles, which really saves on the laundry.
Sitting on the floor with Amber, it seemed a perfect afternoon as I turned to my second-favorite column, Mike Wheelbeck's "Double the Fun." Wheelbeck writes about the activities of his twin son and daughter, Connor and Conner, and since they are in fourth grade with Hailey, I like to see what he has to say--although I must admit he has a negative streak that makes me think he would really like to halve the fun rather than double it. (I've heard that back when he started the column, as a stay-at-home dad when the twins were born, he was a lot more positive. Now he's back to work in bio-tech or some such and on the PTA board.)
But, I have to admit, I was thrilled to see Hailey's party featured in his column! He began by describing the Jellyfish Roundup parade in glorious detail. I interrupted Hailey from writing her thank-you notes to come see it.
Why is it called "Too Much of a Good Thing?" asked Hailey. I hadn't even noticed the headline!
Hailey read the whole thing aloud. We were stunned that after describing the parade in glowing terms, Wheelbeck made it the first example in a rant against elaborate and expensive children's parties! He didn't even mention the homemade vegan cake or the turtles made from paper bowls! He did mention the money Hailey raised for STRP, suggesting that she would have rather had age-appropriate presents!
As Bronson helpfully mentioned, Hailey's party was not the only one criticized. Wheelbeck also critiqued a dog's birthday party that included a group sheep-herding lesson, and a toddler's party that featured a seventies rock cover band. (To be sure, it was not exactly a rant, or it would not have been published in our caring, courteous town, but it was as much as allowable in print.)
The most despicable sentence: "By spending more and more money, parents hope to achieve a sense of family and community, which inevitably pops as soon as the bubble machine is turned off and the low-paid musicians drive away."
The paper has been out over twelve hours now, and I have not received a single email or phone call about it yet, so I think my worst fear is realized: no one believes that we didn't hire the Mariachi band and undersea dancers. Purcell says we should just write a letter to the editor correcting the facts. But I think we need to do more than that. The question is what?
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